Great Mantras ... of Mom

by Gertie's mumma

Being that Gertie was a rescued stray, we don't know much about her past. However, Gertie's vet says that she was a mom many times over. Apparently you can tell by the shape/condition of her uterus. Still, you can just tell that Gertie was a mom by little things she does. When her younger sister, Jackie, is sleeping, sometimes Gertie spoons up to her. And when Gertie toys are put in the laundry basket to be washed, she takes them out one by one and carries them to safety back to her bed. She usually rescues Monkey and Frog first, but she doesn't leave any of her "children" behind.

As Gertie's surrogate mumma, I do the best I can to keep her safe, healthy and happy as well. Not just by creating Gertie Gear™ pet air beds so she sleeps comfortably, but by making sure she eats right (and not too much), takes her meds, and stays out of trouble as much as possible. This is not easy with a mischievous beagle. Gertie's Nose Knows… how to get into trouble, and anything with food in it. Still, she is loved and appreciated for all of her qualities, good and bad.

I attribute my patience and appreciation for Gertie's hijinks to my mom and the phrases I've heard her say to me and/or any one of my five siblings over and over again.

Here are some of my favorite Mantras of Mom:

• "Penny Wise, Pound Foolish"
• "Coupons are like free money; and you don't pay taxes on it either."
• "You only get 24 hrs in the day, just like everyone else.
• "Don't try to make it on wheels."
• "There's either diapers in your house or there aren't. It doesn't matter if it's 1 kid, 2 or more, you've got diapers!
• "We're paying for you to go to school, so you're going to go." (unless really sick)
• to the school office, "Hi, 'kid name' claims to be sick today and won't be in class."
• "You write the note you need and (if approved), I'll sign it."
• "If a C (or B) was all you were capable of, I'd accept that, but if you can do better, that's what I expect."
• "Rated 'R' ... is for 'raunchy'."
• "We don't need cable. There's enough crap on tv for free. I'm not going to pay for it."
• "Why do people say, 'sleep together'. It's not like anyone is 'sleeping'."
• "M.S." (which doesn't mean "Main Squeeze", but instead "Main Screw")
• "The health dept is on (street). It's wrong & I'm not taking you, but if you think you're grown up enough for sex, you'd better at least be responsible enough and smart enough not to get pregnant (or an STD)."
  
• "Here's the recipe, this is a tsp, a tble, (...etc) I'm here if you have questions."
• "That's full of EMPTY CALORIES."
• "It's my anti-theft device." (re a sticky note on the dash that reads, "need gas")
• "Love comes in all forms."
• "I don't love you equally; I love you uniquely."
• "A mother is only as happy as her saddest child."

and my personal favorite…

• "When you no longer need me, I will have done my job."

Cheers to all moms and the Great things they do!